14 Aug

Thou shalt not steal…from people you know

This is not my story and I’m totally stealing it from a friend I had coffee with today. But it’s funny and I simply wanted to publish it somewhere. Naturally, I will have to use some fake names here, so let’s say our protagonist’s name is…Daniel.

So, Danny (see what I did there) is a Christian and goes to Church on Sunday. Well probably more frequent than that but the general idea is that he hangs out with people from the Church on a regular basis. One of those people is this socially unadapted guy who’s name is…Tommy.

Just so that it’s clear, Tommy is not a cold introvert or anything like that. To the contrary, he loves to hang out with people. Unfortunately, people don’t seem to share the feeling because he’s really boring. If you talk to him for more than a couple of minutes you will clearly see that he is slightly mentally impaired. So you would hang out with him for various reasons but just no too much. Anyways…

One day Daniel decided to take Tommy to grab a cup of coffee. He knew that he was in for a boring hour or so but Tommy is a good guy and he kinda promised to take him sometimes in the past. At one point during their conversation Tommy started talking about something unusually interesting…

Tommy: “Hey Danny, you know what happened yesterday?”

Daniel: “Oh, I don’t know, did you meet a girl or something?”

Tommy: “Well…no. I wish! Anyways, here I am waiting for the bus to get home. I notice something…like…black on the sitting bench. I approach it and – what do you know – a cellphone! A nice black one…”

Daniel: “Oh, okay.”

Tommy: “So, I get home and start browsing through the photo gallery and I see no one else but Alex and Jonny…from the Church! So, it’s obviously Alex’s phone and he must have left it there by accident.”

Daniel: “Hey wow! What are the odds of you out of all people finding Alex’s phone. That’s fantastic.”

Tommy: “Yeah, imagine that. So anyways, I went out to buy a new SIM card and I’m getting the phone decoded today.”

Daniel: “Wait…what!? Why wouldn’t you return it to Alex? It’s his phone for God’s sake!”

Tommy: “Well yeah, but he left it…”

Daniel: “Tommy, it’s stealing.”

Tommy: “No! I didn’t steal the phone Danny, he left it there for the taking. Anyone could have taken it…”

Daniel: “No Tommy. It’s stealing, you’re stealing Alex’s phone. You have to return it as soon as possible.”

Tommy: “I disagree. I never meant to take it from him and it’s not my fault he lost it. I just happened to be the one who found it. Also, I’ve been thinking about getting a second phone for some time now…”

Daniel: “A second phone? Why? I would understand if Nina, my personal trainer, had tho phones – one for business and the other for family and friends. Or, or my friend Chris who works with a lot of clients…for the same reason. But, you? Why would you need a second phone?”

Tommy: “Well…”

Daniel: “Oh come on… You need two phones for three family members and a total of four friends…with one of them being the guy you stole the second phone from!?”

Tommy: “Danny, I didn’t steal from him. And just so that you know, I used to return everything I find that I knew belonged to people I know. And no one ever gave me any money or something. Not that I returned stuff just so that people would buy me a drink or give me money but no one ever did more than just say thanks!”

Daniel: “Well, you did good to return them. And people might have shown more appreciation for your act but it’s not like they had to. You need to return the phone. You know it’s Alex’s phone, you’re supposed to be his friend, it’s stealing.”

Tommy: “No I don’t have to return it, it’s…”

Daniel: “Tommy, you’re going to Hell for this!”

Tommy: “Wait, wow! Hey! How do you mean…”

Daniel: “Remember that ‘Thou shalt not steal’ and all that…from literally your neighbour and everything?”

Tommy: “Well, I…”

Daniel: “You need to return the phone Tommy.”

Tommy: “Well, okay. But how do I return it now that I…”

Daniel: “I can return it for you. I will say I found it and I’ll simply return it to him. No damage is done.”

Tommy: “Okay, thank you. I’m not sure I would be able to pull it off without being embarrassed.”

Daniel: “Okay, sure…let me do it.”

So, Danny had to involve the higher powers to produce some legit guilt tripping just so Tommy would agree return a stupid phone to one of his friends. This probably wouldn’t work on someone who’s not a Christian but hey – guilt tripping obviously comes in handy when you’re having trouble getting people to do the right thing.

The biggest irony of the matter is the fact that Alex was so happy to get his phone back that he immediately offered to buy Danny lunch…

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Copyright: Miloš Đekić